Sunday, July 20, 2008

Seven Things That You Should Join Me in Complaining About

1. ...Why don't we light things on fire while we're at it?

It's happened. A wiffle ball field built by a group of Greenwich teenagers in an abandoned piece of public land has been demolished by town officials. Neighboring property owners complained that the kids who were using the field were being too noisy. Greenwich officials say that it was also a "liability" for the town.

As if that isn't enough to make your blood boil, here's a quote from one of the neighbors:

"Most of the people I know and I've grown a family, stop playing wiffle ball when they're 12 years old, I mean, this is just a farce to do something else."

Something else...? I'm trying to imagine what is going through this woman's head:

Teen 1: "Here's an idea! Why don't we spend three weeks clearing all the shrubbery from this abandoned field and erecting fences to turn it into a wiffle ball field that looks like Fenway Park? We'll invite a bunch of friends, head over there in broad daylight, and, while some of us are playing wiffle ball, the rest of us can sneak into the surrounding bushes to binge drink and have underage sex!"

Teen 2: "Sounds super! This will be the least labor-intensive and most subtle way to engage in all sorts of illicit activities!"

Disregarding the stupidity of her remark, it's disappointing that this woman would make an unfounded, negative assumption about an entire group of people. What's stuns me, though, is that there are people like this who have so little faith in our nation's youth. Apparently, though, the kids have gotten back by wearing T-shirts that say, "I'm over 12 and I still play wiffle ball."

2. China hosting the Olympics

According to this, 1.5 million Chinese citizens have been evicted from their residences to make room for Olympic facilities and have received insufficient to no compensation for their losses. That's nearly half the population of Connecticut. Under any circumstances, it's an incredible violation of human rights, but for the Olympics? Aren't they supposed to be about world...goodness?

3. Speculation that [British Open winner] would not have won the British Open if Tiger were playing

Tiger Woods was not arrested, kidnapped, or otherwise involuntarily restrained from competing in the British Open. No, Tiger chose not to compete because, due to his injury, he knew he would be unable to win. He essentially forfeited his opportunity to become champion. Padraig Harrington does not deserve for his achievement - defeating the best golfers in the world to win this year's championship - to be diminished.

4. Did you hear? John McCain is old! Hahaha...!

Jokes like this - driven into the ground by late night talk show hosts - stopped being entertaining months ago. Besides, I'm sure they could take a much bigger swing at him. He is a Republican, after all...

5. Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

I saw this piece on TV explaining that, while many solidiers have been returning to Iraq for second and third tours of duty, thousands of gay soldiers are leaving/being discharged due to this archaic policy. The logic? Allowing gays to serve would make the troops less cohesive... which is somehow worse than have thousands fewer soldiers. Hmm.

6. Commercials, especially those for cars and department stores

No, Mazda and Old Navy, your rapidly flashing screens and loud, irritating music are not making me want to purchase your product. TV ads need to be slow-paced, off-beat, and/or humorous to attract anyone's attention. And don't get me started on the local ads. Bob's Dodge, for one, claims that Bob "just wants to get me 'a loan.' " (Tied to a chair in a dark room? I don't want to imagine...)

7. The efforts of right-wing, Christian news agencies to shield our minds from heresies

This gaffe has been picked up by tons of superior blogs and by Jay Leno's "Headlines." One News Now is a news agency that reprints articles from the AP and other sources but alters them to make them Christian-friendly. Among other things, they apparently use a program to automatically replace "offensive" words with ones that they consider more appropriate. You can imagine readers' surprise, then, when they discovered that sprinter "Tyson Homosexual" (not Tyson Gay) won the 100 meter dash at the U.S. Olympic Trials... (Click here for hilarious excerpts.)


The Juicy One said...

Oh my god, those screaming car. commercials need to DIE.

As for the rest of that...cudos on being far more up to date on world affairs than I ever will be. Though I recently did read an interesting article about elderly porn stars in Japan (aparently one of the most sex-less countries accordiing to a survey)

when you were young said...

I wouldn't call it being up-to-date on world affairs... I would call it watching way too much late-night TV.